Emotional Breakdown

I think I would be better off a dead person~ 

Where no one will have any faith in me…

Where no one will have any hope in me…

Where no one will expect anything from me…

I really hate it this way~

I shouldn’t have put SO much hope and effort into this…

Now it only hurt me more T.T

Should I stand up again? Or just lay here

Face down... holding my breath~ until I feel the numbness

And the desperate beat of my heart which strives for another gasp of air

My lungs are anticipating

My will to halt breath is strong

It’s been a solid minute now

My lungs are aching~ it burns as air is running low

I don’t want to breathe~!!

Tears fill my eyes… slowly blurring my vision

My lips are numb with a prickly sensation

God~ where am I to go now?

Shall I just embrace death…

Or breathe again?

Both hurts… but it seems like death isn’t such a bad Idea too

At least I don’t have to face reality

What would mom and dad think, if I died like this?

It will break their hearts…  but what if I lived? Will they be grateful? NO

Work10 10thAugust2010

I feel the warmth fading in me,

As your love slowly slips away…

Coldness like poisonous weeds,

Crawling into my system,

Leaving me doubt and misery,

Contaminating my thoughts as it goes

Driving me from going on~

I know how much I love you

And I know how much I need you

There is so much I wanna give you

SO much I wanna do for you

But now the question is~

Would you be mine? Would you be mine?

The sun , it shines the best  when you’re with me

The moon, seemed less lonely with you there by my side

Stop my doubt; end my misery

I love you

I need you

There is so much I wanna give you

SO much I am willing to do for you

All I have to now.. is ask..

Would you be mine~?

Would you be mine~?

Work9 26 July~2010

My confession II

Fire and ice like Rain and shine

Emotions colliding within me~

Torments my body now,

Tears of sorrow… tears of pain

Soaking my soul

Quench the fire that had licked through my veins…

My heart it aches with the emptiness

Hope slowly caving in

Whiskey and beer numbs its sores and burns

But only a little while~

Because I know ~nothing else could ease the hurt

Nothing… nothing but you

Your smile~ it lingers in my head

Cutting away the rain to reveal the perfect blue sky

Your love~ it whispers in my ears

Leaving me breathless

All my troubles, disregarded,

Whenever I think of you...;

My heart melts,

Whenever you say you’re sorry

When you call me darling... ;

You mean allot to me,

I’d be anything you want me to

Now I am scared... totally quivering in fear

Nothing could scare me more... nothing than the thought of losing you!

work8

Tears

It’s been awhile since our last GOODBYE~

I had always thought that the phrase- “Time heals all wounds”- exist… ~

Now that I realize the reason ~ The reason I can’t breathe right, the reason I can’t sleep at night, the reason I feel:-

Empty- for you had taken my entire reason to smile with you…

Pain- to end a day without the slightest chance of knowing how you were…

Lonely- like no one else mattered to me…

Anticipation- awaiting for the moment my phone would ring with your name appearing on the screen…

Hope- to see you smile again, to hear your carefree chatter…

~time wasn’t healing me…

But to my surprise “Time Intensified the pain of MY wound”

What is that _ sliding down my face?

Why does it soak my clothes?

What the fcuk is it?

Why does it hurt so much?

Why does it have to show when I intend to be strong?

TEARS~ they are called~ hardwired to my emotions

Cry~

No matter it is a cry of pain or a cry of joy…

That THING that appears is known as tears…

I miss you truly… fiercely…

I wish you were here…!!!

Esme

Work7 (writtenJune2010)

My Life as the sky…

The stars and the moon are hiding … because..

Tonight the sky is crying…

The rain~ like tears …

Slowly creeping down my cheeks…

Like a river flowing continuously…

Into the deep mysterious sea

Which seemed tender…? I think not… for…~

When you think that everything seemed calmer

As  the sun finally shines Bright and high..

Taking my soul high into the endless sky~

Problems shall descend… like heavy clouds

Thus collisions shall arise ~

Arguments like thunder…

Heartbreaks like lightning…

The sky shall cry again…

My life… like the sky…Shall be~

Ever changing, Though limitless with no boundaries

But it shall never be without worries…

Esme

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